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MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D

SYNOPSIS:
Ten years ago, a tragedy changed the town of Harmony forever. Inexperienced coal miner Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles), unintentionally caused an accident that killed five men and sent the only survivor, Harry Warden, into a coma. Exactly one year later, on Valentine's Day, Harry Warden woke up... and brutally murdered twenty-two people with a pickaxe before being killed. Now Tom returns to Harmony on Valentine's Day, still haunted by the deaths and struggling to make amends. But tonight, after years of peace, a killer, wearing a miner's mask and armed with a pickaxe, is on the loose. As his footsteps come closer, Tom, his ex-girlfriend Sarah (Jaime King) and her town sheriff husband Axel (Kerr Smith) realize in terror it just might be Harry Warden who's come back to claim them.

Review by Andrew L. Urban:
If you like a bloody laugh and you relish the idea of body parts hurtling at you and threatening to shower your popcorn with blood, this might be just the film for you. Greeted by more guffaws than screams, My Bloody Valentine wears its heart on its pickaxe, as it were, rendering the notion of genuine story redundant. Oh, there is a story, but it's not one you'd try and explain, other than as a series of hooks on which to hang some unlovely killings.

The film's biggest weakness is that in its efforts to keep us off the trail, it misleads us in ways that are not reconcilable in retrospect, once the villain is revealed.

But MBV3D sticks fairly close to slasher/horror genre conventions, with extra servings of gratuitous sex, nudity and gore. After the flashback start, in which partying youngsters in a tunnel shaft are shafted (raising the film's first Stoopid Question: why hold a party in such a stoopid location?), we are shunted 10 years forward to the present. Tom (Jensen Ackles) is back in Harmony, the juicily ironic township where harmony is the first casualty ... But his ex girl Sarah (Jaime King) is now married to the sheriff (Kerr Smith). Tension point No 1. Also, the miners still resent him for being respoinsible for the tunnel 5 collapse ... which somehow led to a crazy Harry Warden killing folks by the dozen. Tension point No 2.

And for the third tension point, Harmony finds itself under attack this Valentine's Day, by a monster in a black miner's suit, complete with gas mask, so as to be totally camouflaged. Identity hidden, the gas mask enabling him to add heavy breathing to his armoury of menace. His weapon of choice is the pickaxe, which has two pointy ends. His signature is the ripped out heart, usually served up in a heart shaped box that once held Valentine's Day chocolates. You'd have to know your date really well to take her to this for a pre-dinner movie date.

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CRITICAL COUNT
Favourable: 0
Unfavourable: 1
Mixed: 0

MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (MA)
(US, 2009)

CAST: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Betsy Rue, Edi Gathegi, Tom Atkins, Kevin Tighe, Megan Boone, Joy de la Paz, Marc Macauley, Todd Farmer

PRODUCER: Jack L. Murray

DIRECTOR: Patrick Lussier

SCRIPT: Todd Farmer, Zane Smith (1981 screenplay by John Beaird)

CINEMATOGRAPHER: Brian Pearson

EDITOR: Cynthia Ludwig, Patrick Lussier

MUSIC: Michael Wandmacher

PRODUCTION DESIGN: Zack Grobler

RUNNING TIME: 101 minutes

AUSTRALIAN DISTRIBUTOR: Hoyts

AUSTRALIAN RELEASE: February 12, 2009







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